And
so after years of failed relationships, I am sitting right here writing this
while listening to Damien Rice. You may probably wonder, why did it fail? Well
let’s begin from the top, back to 2005. I’ve just met this wonderful person through
the phone—yes, back then there was no Facebook. And this wonderful person has
led me to believe that he was “the one”. I convinced myself that I was going to
marry him and that’s it. End of story, happily ever after.
This
is life. It’s never that easy.
Fast
forward to 2008, we’ve been together for almost 2 years and he’s leaving for
UK. I was devastated by the absence of a boyfriend and best friend. He was my
whole life, the person I rant to about everything and anything that revolves
around my life—mostly about school and boys. I was assured that this was a
phase, a hurdle we happened to stumble upon. Birthdays, Christmas, New Year,
Chinese New Year, Valentine’s day, Anniversaries and any other holiday you
could possible think of had passed and we have grew tired of waiting for the
other party on Skype—well mostly I did. So after just 2 years with a long
distance relationship and a band aid on my heart, I call it quits. Left
everything, returned everything, tried to forget everything, and tried to enjoy
everything else I have around me. This wonderful person I was going to spend
the rest of my life with is gone. I felt empty. I asked for this, so why did I
feel like I was on the losing side when I should be liberated by leaving a
heavy baggage behind?
As
of any normal person after a break up, we long for a replacement of something
you used to have. This new person is different. He speaks of different things,
his hugs felt different, he’s funny in a different way, a delicate side that’s
different, and everything about him was different from what I used to have. He
was giving me what I needed at that time—love and attention or so I thought it
was. It didn’t last long. No connection was made in the first place, no chemistry.
He was only a distraction from my pain.
It
didn’t take long before I met a dark person. He was wild and outrageous,
someone I never imagined myself with. But since he begged and I had a blank
space, I thought, why not? It started out innocently but took a turn to the
darker side when I left him for not respecting me. What I went through after
that, taught me a very important lesson to which I still faithfully follow. My
ultimate dating rule, never get together with someone you see on a daily basis.
It will scar you to see that person every day before you move on to the next
phase.
Not
much time has passed and there he was. This guy on my Facebook list since 2007
which I had never took notice. He was here to help me move on. I was guaranteed
a heart that was good as new. A heart that had no memory of the past, a heart
that will have a fresh start from now onwards. And just like that, I was
swooped off my feet once again. This time I was promised forever. Hence, we
began in 2011 and ended in 2014. Forever didn’t take long to come to an end, it
was finally here. After the 3rd year together, I knew this was not
the man I will spend the rest of my life with. He had taken all the love I
could possibly give him and left me with only bitterness. This was a toxic
relationship and it was addictive. It took plenty of courage to leave something
so precious behind—the dog, but I managed to leave for good. We had many great
moments that was equal to the countless and endless arguments we had over the
years.
The
next ones remains a mystery for now. I may or may not have met them. They could
be anyone in my past, present or future. Stories from here after are how I meet
new people that could possibly be the father of my children. On to the next
chapter, Tinder!
